FEEDBACK REQUESTED: Earthquake House Opening Paragraphs
Feedback requested! Below are the opening paragraphs of the best thing I have ever written. Before I start looking for an agent for Earthquake House, I want to make sure that the opening lines draw people in. Before you dive in, you might find this summary of the story useful. Let me know what you think!
Earthquake House Opening Paragraphs
1. The Invariable Door
Alchemy padded across the plush, purple carpet of the entry hall toward the central staircase. It wasn’t that they minded waking the others—this was Alchemy’s house, and they could do what they liked. Everyone else lived there by their will alone. But being afraid to go to sleep was rather embarrassing, and Alchemy didn’t want to endure the whispers and glances. Besides, they were on edge. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.
“It’s just a lack of sleep,” they whispered to themself. “Everything is fine. Everything is always fine.”
As always, Alchemy was dressed in a striking purple suit. They couldn’t see their outfit in the dark, but they strutted proudly anyway. Today, their waistcoat was yellow and their cravat white, but those were just details. It was the purple that mattered. It brought out the color in Alchemy’s eyes.
Alchemy’s long white hair was plaited neatly in a line down their back and secured at the end with an enormous satin bow. Alchemy liked to look pristine, so they always did. Magic made it easy.
The others were asleep, curled up on an assortment of purple couches that were all slightly shorter and slightly narrower than was entirely comfortable. Alchemy liked to know that people lived in their House because they wanted to, not because it was better than anywhere else. Gentle snores wafted through the air, although, much to Alchemy’s dismay, the patch of darkness that shrouded Constance’s couch was suspiciously silent.
The House was great at keeping itself dark when its residents wanted to sleep. Alchemy was certain that Constance couldn’t see them, even if she was awake, but they hurried toward the stairs anyway, expertly dodging couches and boxes overflowing with personal belongings. All the furniture was nailed to the floor, so it was always in the same place. As for the clutter, the random bits and pieces that represented the lives of Earthquake House’s residents, Alchemy could sense where they lay, scattered by people who had more important things to do than tidy up after themselves.
The House had sprung into existence directly from Alchemy’s mind. Like all house owners in the Valley, Alchemy and the House had a special bond, a special understanding.
What the House knew, Alchemy knew.
If they wanted to...
